Monday, February 18, 2008

She..

She sat there.
Alone in that room that was hers.
Feeling tired of challenges.
Tired of everything.
She sat there in total darkness..

She didnt even want to go out of her room... Others might notice her, thats what she thought. Any other day it wouldnt have meant a damn thing. But today it did. She wanted to be invisible. She thought of her life. She wondered how much more she needed to suffer, how many more tears she would need to shed in silence before she got the chance to be whole, before she got the chance to feel total happiness.

She felt extremely lonely that night as she penned her thoughts down. She wondered, Why?? Why the loneliness, when there are so many people who loved her.. So many people who praised her for her ability to conquer the unconquerable, her ability to challenge her own fate. So many, she thought. So many? So few. For those few who meant heaven and earth to her. Why did she love people so much? She did so much for them expected nothing in return. Or should I say nothing much in return. Except maybe hear their voice once in a while, to feel their love? But she dint want to believe that was a selfish thought. These people whom she wanted to talk to were too busy in their own worlds at the moment. Maybe they do think of her but for her that message needs to be felt rather than told. She sat there, wishing she could speak to them at that moment. She felt so angry, upset all at the same time! Whoa!! What a mix of emotions she felt. She also knew that every problem had a solution and eventually she would find one. But she was dying for a pat on her back, or a hug, a kiss on the forehead. But at that moment it was impossible...

She sat there and told herself that in a couple of hours she will be normal, her worries and apprehensions kept safely locked away somewhere inside that mind of hers, as she wakes up to another morning and tells herself that all is fine. And never talks about it ever again...

Maybe this was a life of a woman...

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Stranger....

Who is he?
Who came to shed light into my life of darkness..
Just when I came to think there is no love in this world anymore?
Who is he?
Who came one day and touched my heart
Leaving a mark that was never to go away..
He brought beauty into my smile,
Laughter into my eyes,
And strength to my heart..
Encouraging me..
Telling me I am a strong woman..
He taught me there is love in this world
And that God is there for everyone,
He told me you don't have to earn his love,
It's just the matter of understanding it's existance.
He told me this and he told me that,
And a day came when I realised,
It was God's love I felt...
Who is this guy?
Why is he here?
So many questions ..
None of them clear..
But today I realise it was God's ploy,
To bring love into my life once more..
To give me this one person,
Whom I love so dearly now..
And so I pray that nothing comes between US,
Except the love we share,
For ever more,
Until that day comes when we cease to exist,
But that doesn't stop our love does it?

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Lost in time....

2.45 AM. It felt cool and pleasant. But not for her. She felt as though the cold was clinging to her, clinging to her soul, clinging to her past. She knew the feeling was not right, but she couldn't do anything about it. She couldn't return now. "Now", she thought aloud. Where is this now? She couldn't think. Her world was falling apart. She thought about how it was 24hrs back. Just a mere 24hrs ago, she thought she had it all set. A beautiful house, a loving husband. 24hrs.... and it was all gone. She couldn't return to her beautiful villa at Palm Springs. The Villa that she and Mark had bought a month before their wedding.
She shivered with the thoughts about her husband. She wrapped her silk night gown tighter around herself and walked on....

3.15 AM. She had atlast reached the bend near the store. "Just a couple of yards more", she willed herself. She was now sweating.. She didnot know why, but the excitement of being with him after four months was more than what she could take. She looked towards her left, and saw the store now boarded up. She never thought that man's business would profit anyway. Just think of the location? What a place to start a business!! She walked on, she was nearing her destination. All the sadness she felt seemed to ebb away slowly as she approached the place where he now stayed. "Almost there!", she reminded herself. And then, just as she said it she had reached the gate.. She smiled to herself. She opened it hastily and walked in. For some reason the place looked alive today.... Everything around her. It didnot matter. She wasn't afraid. She felt no fear, just burning hatred and the growing triumph she felt inside. She would tell him what had happened the previous day. "He would be pleased", she told herself. And then she realised she hadn't brought anything with her. Would he be disappointed?? Almost immediately she reassured herself by saying "he will understand"...

3.40AM. Atlast she reached it. She saw his name, glistening in the pale moonlight. She knelt down and touched the brass plate that bore his name, Adrian's name, her son's name. A tiny tear welled up in her eyes and went down her cheek. "Adrian", she whispered. "Mommy knows the truth!, Mommy is sorry she hadn't seen it earlier!" She couldn't control it anymore, she started sobbing and the memory of the last 24hrs swept back into her mind.

Thursday, 6.40AM. She got up with a start. The dull throbbing inside her head, made her want to throw up. She forced herself to get up, and walked slowly to the bathroom. Like she had expected, Mark had already left. She stared at his side of the bed and felt a knot tighten in her stomach. She would know today. Exactly three months ago, she had summoned her courage to visit a Mr. Paul Snizzmann, a private detective. She wanted answers to all the questions, and Mr. Snizzmann was more than willing to help her. She had asked him to follow Mark as she suspected he was involved in something nasty. She didnot know what, but she had a sick feeling about it. It was four months since Adrian death. Adrian ofcourse, wasn't Mark's child. Mark was her 2nd husband. Mark had begun to act stange, perplexed, and violent weeks before Adrian's death and now he did not come home for days together. Mr. Snizzmann promised that he would let her know about any new developments.
He used to report to her once a month, but last week he had disappeared. She had panicked whether something happened to him, but then he turned up on wednesday. He looked upset or was it fear?? she thought. He had told her that he would tell her the full outcome of the investigation.

She took a deep breath. It was time. He would show up any minute. And just as she supposed, Mr. Snizzmann entered the room ushered by Magaretta, her maid. After the casual hello's, he gave her the tape, some files, and photographs. When she looked into all of them, she went pale. For a minute, Mr. Snizzmann wondered if Mrs Cole would pass out, although if she did pass out it would be perfectly normal. The news he had brought to her was horrific. He held her shoulder and said " Mrs. Cole?? Catherine? Are you alright?" She looked up at him, and realised that nothing would ever be the same again. She burst out sobbing. "How could he? How can I be so stupid! Why didn't I see it before?" She wailed in desperation. "Mark". Her Mark had killed her son for insurance money. For a mere 2 million he had killed her little boy by staging a car accident. The photos from her hand, along with the documents from the insurance company.. She looked pale, but determined. She knew what had to be done......

Present day, 4.55 AM. She looked at her son's tombstone. "It is over, Adrian. You are safe now. Mommy would never leave you." She fell back against the grass her arms around the tombstone. "I killed him." She knew at that point, she had avenged her son's death. Done the right thing. She looked up at the sky. "The first rays of the morning". She closed her eyes and felt the warmth for the first time in 24hrs. She knew she would never to open her eyes again. She felt herself smile, as the last of her life slipped away...

It was a beautiful day.....